


I know better (than to ever call you mine)

by stillifall



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: F/M, Idiots in Love, Jealousy, M/M, Mutual Pining, Not Actually Unrequited Love, jealous buck
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-09
Updated: 2020-12-09
Packaged: 2021-03-09 21:08:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,463
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27972860
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stillifall/pseuds/stillifall
Summary: “Trust me. You and I? We are inevitable, Diaz.” The smug smile on Buck’s smile was almost like a promise.OR Sometimes you have to kiss the wrong person to know who's the right one. Eddie is just trying his best to keep himself from falling in love.(2 chapters long.)
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley & Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV), Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV)
Comments: 19
Kudos: 242





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello, so finals are these week and im writing and hopefully updating it soon. There's only 2 chapters so... Anyway if you wanna get in the mood then listen to Let's Fall In Love for the Night by FINNEAS. 
> 
> Enjoy!

Hen was sitting down, pasta on her plate as Buck warmed up the garlic bread. He was in a good mood today, the calls they got throughout the day had gone well. He had pulled a few stunts, which if anything, only made the man bouncy and on his toes with leftover adrenaline. Hen only watched him, playing with her fork. He was humming, throwing glances towards Eddie, who was trying his hardest to hide a smile.

“You should just date,” Hen noted as she twirled her fork around the pasta and shoved it into her mouth. She was talking about how in the last call someone tried to hit on Buck, only for him and Eddie to share a look before Eddie came forward and politely took Buck away, shoulders relaxing as he shrugged and let himself be led away by the other man. Buck only chuckled. 

“Me and Eddie?” Eddie only groaned from his seat, busy between looking at his phone and at Buck.

“Tell that to Eddie then, I’m just waiting for him to get the hint,” Buck teased, joining the man with a basket of warm bread. Eddie rolled his eyes and served himself some of it. Hen only shook her head.

“You wish Buck,” Eddie muttered as he took a bite, phone in his hand. Buck only swung a hand around his shoulders, making Eddie roll his eyes.

“Trust me. You and I? We are inevitable, Diaz.” The smug smile on Buck’s smile was almost like a promise.  
_

He knew Buck was not ready to date when he first met him. The jealousy, the anger, and the fire in his eyes as he looked at Eddie was enough to know he still had problems he needed to solve. 

Which Eddie understood, but he also wished he had been available. For the first time, things were good in his life. He had Christopher safe in LA, a good job and things were looking up. A cute coworker was definitely something he didn’t expect but he wouldn’t complain. 

(He was sure that he could maybe ask him for a drink, maybe get a kiss in the dark.)

He didn’t.

Because there was an ‘Abby.’ No one really said more than that to him. Eddie didn’t need to ask to know that’s why Buck was off limits. Which was fine. Eddie didn’t need to kiss him. Not at all. Would’ve been nice, but not necessary. And the longer they worked, the more he started to know Buck, not just an angry hot coworker as he had catalogued him that first day. The longer they got to know each other, the more Eddie wanted to not just kiss Buck in the dark, but maybe-

Actually date him.

It wasn’t going to happen. He knew that. 

Still, he let himself be consumed by the soft smiles Buck would throw his way, the shoulder bumps, the lingering hands on his waist whenever they hugged.

-

Buck had gotten past whatever denial he had and admitted he did actually like Eddie. Maddie called it a crush. It was. Maddie always had that talent to read him as easily as the back of her hand. At times it was annoying, but most often that not, it was a relief to know someone had the answer and was just waiting for him to arrive at the same conclusion.

Except he realized it just as Eddie reunited with his wife.

Who was he to compete with his wife? He couldn’t step in and ruin his life just because he wore his heart on his sleeve and was ready to give it all to him. He couldn’t. Eddie was trying to be a good husband.

So he waited. 

He hoped he would get his chance.

But at the same time, he really wished he didn't. Because that would mean Eddie and his wife didn’t work out and he didn’t want Eddie to hurt anymore than he already did. (Buck, however, didn’t have any luck. Eddie got hurt, and so did Christopher and Buck wished that Shannon was still alive so she could make them a little less broken).

-

Eddie found himself calling Buck in the middle of the night. Buck picked up after the first ring, which made Eddie worried that the man still hasn’t fixed his sleeping habits.

“Hey Eds, what’s wrong?” Buck answered on the other end.

“Christopher has a fever, and I have a shift in a couple hours-”

“I’ll be over in 20. You need me to pick anything up?” Eddie smiled, tense shoulders relaxing for a bit.

“Maybe some food. I got his medicine.”

“Sounds good. See you soon”

When the call ended, Eddie let out a breath and looked over at Christopher. His glasses were in the night stand next to him, his curls glued to his face with fever sweat. There were times when Christopher being sick would cause Eddie to become anxious, and paranoid. Afraid that no one would know how to take care of him. But now, all he could see a kid who was loved and who had the perfect caretaker. He ran a hand through his son's hair, explaining that Buck would come over and take care of him. Christopher smiled before breaking into a cough. All he could see was a kid who was loved by Buck, which was probably the safest thing one could be. 

So he waited, because Buck was right. One day they would have their shot, and when it came, Eddie was going to take it and not let go.

-

Eddie meant to ask Buck out, he really did. But the timing was never right, and sometimes he wondered if taking that step was even necessary. They were already close, so why did Eddie want more? He wondered if Buck was even attracted to him, looked at him as a potential partner and not just a friend. So when Anna, the nice and pretty English teacher, asked him to get drinks, he accepted. He kept his options open, and well, Buck and him were friends. He wasn’t doing anything wrong. 

It still felt like a secret, and Eddie figured Buck didn’t need to know about it.

-

Buck finished his shift with a pleasant smile on his face. There weren’t a lot of calls, and everyone seemed to be in a good mood which was rare for LA. Eddie wasn’t working, though it didn’t keep Buck from reaching out to his seat in the firetruck only to find it empty, or to set an extra table mat for dinner before remembering his absence. 

As he walked to his Jeep, he typed on his phone. 

-hey, I’m out. Movies n beer?

Within a couple of seconds, Eddie replied.

-we’re are at Abuela’s

Buck nodded and put his phone back in his pocket. By now, he knew the directions to Abuela’s house by heart. Usually Eddie would tell him earlier in the day about his plans, just so they could figure out if they could carpool or who would pick up Christopher. Maybe it slipped Eddie’s mind today.

When Buck arrived at the house, he could hear Christopher’s giggles coming from inside. He smiled and knocked on the door, hearing the crutches approach and the door knob turn. 

“Hey buddy!”

“Buck!”

He picked up the kid and gave him a kiss on the cheek, something that made the other boy giggle. He spotted Isabel in the back, and he waved at her. He put down Christopher, who immediately went back to the legos that were laying on the ground. 

“What are you doing here, mijo?” She gave him a hug, before planting a kiss on his cheek.

“Just hanging out with the Diazes, making sure they don’t give you too much trouble,” Isabel chuckled before shaking her head.

“Afraid there’s only one Diaz here, Buck. Eddie is out.”

Buck frowned, but before he could question about Eddie’s whereabouts, Isabel shook her head.

“I don’t know where he is. I figured he was going to be with you,” Buck rolled his eyes at the look Isabel gave him.

“Well I don’t know.” His voice sounded defeated, and Buck hated the fact that he was upset about it. He knew Eddie had a life, a life that didn’t include him. But he lied. And something about how easy it was for Eddie to lie to him made Buck’s heart throb with a stinging pain. He was supposed to know the answers when it came to Eddie.

“He might just need a day to himself, Eddie is like that, needs a day to just rest.” Buck knew that Isabel was just trying to make him feel better, because if Buck didn’t know where Eddie was it was because Eddie didn’t want him to know. He offered her a tight smile in response. He stayed with Christopher for the rest of the afternoon, playing and helping make dinner and tucking him in. He figured at least one Diaz appreciated his presence. When Eddie didn’t come pick him up, Buck went from hurt to annoyed. How much time does a guy need by himself? He tucked in Christopher, read him a story and then headed for the door, holding leftovers on one hand. 

“I’m going to head out, thanks Isabel." He kissed her cheek and thanked her for the leftovers which he would definitely be taking for lunch the next day.

“You are always welcome here Buck, you know that.” Buck nodded and before he made it out the door, Isabel called after him. 

“Take care of Eddie, okay?”

And well, Buck hadn’t made up his mind about going to check on Eddie. But now Isabel was counting on it, and Buck had an excuse besides being nosy. (He knew that Isabel was already a step ahead of him, she knew he was restless to get an answer.) He got on his Jeep, sent a quick text to Eddie saying he was heading over, and turned the keys.

Buck arrived at Eddie's house, the usual front porch light that was always on was now off. His car was parked in the front, like usual, so Buck told himself to not panic. Instead he began to think about what he was going to say to the other man, what movie they could watch, or if he needed to vent about his feelings or (why he had lied to him).

He opened the door, turning the key easily and flicking the light switch to turn the lights on.

“Hey Eds, I was-”

He widened his eyes at the sight before him. Eddie was alright. Eddie was actually more than alright. His lips were swollen, shirt half on, and belt unbuckled. There, in his arms, was a pretty woman, curly black hair down her back. Buck avoided meeting her gaze, avoided looking at her and her dress and the shoes that were discarded on the floor. Instead, he kept his eyes on Eddie. Hair tousled, eyes wide. He looked pretty. Handsome even. Something in Buck’s stomach turned.

“Buck.”

Buck froze, forgetting how to breathe, and in the next second he stuttered out an apology and closed the door behind him, his feet carrying him as fast as he could to his car. 

He got inside his car and turned the keys on, hearing the engine rev to life. He pressed his hands on the steering wheel, knuckles turning white. 

Eddie was kissing someone.

As soon as he said it, as soon as that thought finished forming in his head, every breath he took felt heavy and hot and painful. He drove and drove and he tried to get Eddie Diaz out of his head. He looked - (pretty, handsome, hot). Buck only turned on the radio and tried to focus on the road. The image of the man refused to leave his head.

-

When Buck left, Eddie felt the house go cold. Whatever life it had was gone as soon as the man closed the door.

“Who was that?” Anna asked, hands still wrapped around his neck. Eddie blinked then, and without thinking, pulled away and rushed to the door. He opened it, the coldness of the night stinging his cheeks. He stepped out, his eyes trying to spot that familiar Jeep. It was down the street, stopped on the corner streetlight. The light turned green, and then it was off, and Eddie only stared after it as it became smaller and smaller. 

He came back inside the house, mind rushing and cascading with thoughts. Above all, how he screwed up. Anna was there, standing where he left her, looking around the house. Once she saw him back inside, she smiled. She had a pretty smile, it was sweet and soft.

“Hey,” she stepped closer to him, hands cupping his cheeks. She got on her tiptoes, lips close to his.

“Everything okay?” She kissed him then, and Eddie tried to focus on what it felt like. But all he could feel was an ache on his chest, coming and going in waves. Anna pulled away, her lips kissing his jaw, slowly making their way to his neck. Her lips felt warm, hot, like he was being burned.

Eddie wanted to pull away. Call Buck. All he could think about was Buck, and how he might have ruined their chances. How Buck looked- like he had been betrayed or abandoned. The way he ran away, apologies stumbling out. He wanted to run after him. 

He didn’t.

He kissed her back.  
-

For the next few days they didn’t text. It was like they weren’t alive to each other. While usually Buck would be texting him updates about what he did or didn’t do throughout the day, this time his phone was empty. The only notification being an alarm for when to pick Christopher up. It wasn’t until their next shift together that Eddie could finally face him. Eddie was the last one to show up, he was conscious not to look too eager to search for Buck, to slow down his steps, look like any other day. It took everything to fight his instinct to go searching for the other man, instead he calmly went up the stairs, trying his best to pretend it was just his hunger that led him here, not Buck's quiet voice. He was in the kitchen, drinking coffee while reading an article on his phone. Hen was sitting next to him, both of them sharing their thoughts about whatever they were reading.

“Hey.” He pulled the chair across from them. Hen looked up and smiled. Buck didn’t meet his eyes. Hen noticed, eyes darting to Eddie for an explanation. 

“Hey Eddie, we got some leftover croissants. Want some?” Chimney offered, carrying a brown bag. The alarm rang before Eddie could reply. They all rushed downstairs, Bobby meeting them in the firetruck. 

If anyone noticed that Buck switched seats so he wouldn’t be near Eddie, they didn’t mention it.

A call went by, then another and another. And as the day went on, it was only obvious that something was wrong with Eddie, and something was wrong with Buck. And that, most likely than not, it was the same problem plaguing them both. Buck wasn’t as lucky as to be able to sit away from Eddie on the way back. He was, however, petty enough to keep himself from taking up space that would overlap with Eddie’s. While before his leg would be touching Eddie’s, shoulders pressing onto each other, this time Buck was looking out the window, his body trying to be as small as possible. 

Eddie wanted to roll his eyes.

“So what’s going on with you two?” Chimney asked, receiving a glare from Hen. Chimney only shrugged, after all, a silent ride back to the station didn’t seem like an appealing option.

“I don’t know, ask him.” Buck’s voice was bitter, eyes avoiding Eddie’s. Everyone turned towards Eddie. Eddie only scoffed.

“Me? I didn’t ask you to walk in on me yesterday.”

“Walk in-” Chimney was cut off by Buck turning around, jaw clenching.

“I was checking on you!”

“I didn’t need to be checked up on.”

“Right, because lying to me about where you were-”

“Did you go to my abuela’s?”

“Yeah I did, I hung out with Christopher and he told me he didn’t know where you were. And Isabel asked me to check up on you, so yeah, sue me for wanting to make sure you were okay.”

“Guys,” Bobby’s voice made them go quiet, “figure it out later.” 

Both of them muttered a ‘yes Cap’ and with that, Buck turned away. Eddie wanted to ask more, but one look at Bobby through the rearview mirror told him not to push it.

-

When they arrived, it was almost like everyone tried to steer away from the duo. Whether it was because they didn’t want to be caught in the middle, or they wanted to give them space to figure it out, Eddie didn’t know. Buck made his way upstairs, searching for a snack. Eddie followed, reluctantly. He gave Buck space, standing by the kitchen counter and leaning against it, arms crossed as he watched the younger man pick up a cereal box and put it back down, then grabbing a granola bar and setting it back down.

“Just pick something.” Buck shot him a glare, but he grabbed the granola bar.

“Why did you lie?” Eddie shrugged, eyes avoiding Buck’s. Buck only scoffed, setting the snack down and walking towards him.

“Really Eddie?”

“I didn’t want you to know.”

“Why?”

“I just didn’t.”

“Do you not like her?”

“It’s not that.”

“Then what is it?”

Buck was standing in front of him, eyes focused on him. There was a familiar crease in the eyebrows, the one he would get before doing something reckless. And fuck, Eddie really couldn’t tell him that he lied because he was getting tired of waiting for their chance at a relationship. That would mean he wanted one in the first place. Instead, Eddie just looked at him, scanned his face until his gaze landed on his lips. He swallowed.

Buck noticed, face softening. Eddie looked up, and this time there was something about Buck’s expression that he couldn't quite tell what it was. 

“Eddie, I-”

“Hey Eddie, you got a visitor!” Chimney yelled from downstairs. The voice cracked whatever electricity was in the air, and Buck stepped away, clearing his throat and grabbing the granola bar he had discarded on the counter. If Eddie felt his cheeks on fire, he hoped no one else would notice.

Eddie walked down the stairs, mind still rushing over whatever had happened just then. The way Buck had looked at him, the way his lips seemed so close and attainable.

“Seems like your girlfriend decided to pay a visit,” Chimney announced in a teasing tone. With a nod towards Anna, he stepped away. Eddie approached her. She looked good, she was wearing a yellow sundress, hair pulled back into a braid.

“I just wanted to come say hi.” Eddie knew he had no right to feel annoyed at the sweet gesture. But when she stepped closer to plant a kiss on his lips, Eddie saw from the corner of his eye, Buck. Up in the balcony, a scowl on his face. He turned on his heels, and walked away.

-

That night, Chimney suggested they go out for drinks. He did it after watching Buck glare at the TV for an hour, and deciding that whatever happened was not worth the awkward silence in the station. Hen quickly agreed, even going as far as offering to pay for Buck's drinks to persuade him.

"Alright, but I'm not third wheeling."

"Don't worry Buckaroo, your sister is working late today."

"And Karen has a science project to help with." 

Buck's lip curled up and then he nodded.

"Alright."

Chimney then turned to Eddie, who shrugged.

"I have plans." He didn't offer anything else, and by the looks Buck was giving him, it didn't seem to make a difference. 

He called Anna that night, invited her over for dinner. That evening he found himself in the kitchen, trying his best to keep it from becoming a kitchen fire. When Anna arrived, she was amused and immediately tried to help. So there they were, both of them trying to fix a simple pasta dish that Eddie tried and failed to make. Christopher was with Abuela, after begging him to let him stay because he didn't want Ms. Anna to see him outside of school. It was too awkward, he had said. Which Eddie understood in a way, but it made him miss the kid like crazy.

Dinner led to talking and talking led to a glass of wine which soon after led to kisses. Once again, Eddie tried to focus on it. He was leaning against a wall, Anna pressed to his chest. He tried to picture those butterflies in his stomach, tried to pretend that his heart was beating faster. He tried to imagine that - this was Buck kissing him.

Eddie pulled away.

“I’m sorry.”

Anna stopped, eyes wide.

“Sorry, did I-”

“It’s not you.” Anna took a step back, looking uncomfortable. She chuckled nervously.

“Eddie, did I do something? I thought we were having fun and-”

“You are not him.”

And that was the truth. Eddie met her eyes, and he felt guilt wash over him. She crossed her arms, eyebrows furrowing.

“What?”

“This isn’t fair to you. I’m kissing you but-”

Anna nodded, and slowly moved to the couch, sitting down and beginning to put her heels back on. Eddie hadn't even realized they were off. Eddie looked, trying to find words to apologize to the woman but came up empty. How do you explain that you are in love with someone who you don’t have a chance with? That maybe kissing someone else was easier than admitting defeat?

“Was it him?” Anna looked up from where she was. She didn’t look blindsided. While she looked disappointed as she put her shoes on, she only had a pensive look on her face. Eddie only nodded.

“Are you in love with him?” Eddie found it shocking how quickly he replied.

“For a while.”

Anna flashed him a small smile, then patted him on the shoulder as she stood up and passed him. She walked towards the door, phone in hand. 

“Good luck Edmundo.”

The door closed, leaving Eddie in the darkness inside his house.   
It took him a minute before he realized where he wanted to be. He grabbed a jacket and changed his shoes. He took his wallet, then the keys and headed out the door. The uber got there faster than he was expecting.

The bar that Chimney had mentioned wasn't hard to find. It was one of their usuals, when they wanted to do more dancing than karaoke. When Eddie walked in, the loud music blasting from the bar almost made him drown. His eyes were quickly scanning the crowds. Girls in tight dresses were giggling, drinks in their hands as their hair got in the face, and men with unbuttoned shirts were making their way to the dance floor. 

He widened his eyes. 

There, in the middle, he saw Buck. He looked careless and happy. Blue eyes almost sparkling as he danced and laughed. Chimney and Hen were nowhere near him, though Eddie supposed they were probably off getting drinks. 

Eddie approached him, pushing his way until he was behind him. He tapped him on the shoulder, making the other man spin around.

"Sorry, I'm not interested- Eddie?"

His words were slurred until they hit his name. It was like his presence had sobered him up. His eyes, so easy to read, were quick to gather every emotion from the day again.

"What are you doing here Eddie?"

"Came to find you." And it was true, Eddie couldn't help but to chase after him. Because Buck was all he wanted. 

Buck rolled his eyes, grabbing him by the wrist and pulling him away from the crowd. The music drowned out as they reached a more private space, behind the bar.

"Thought you had plans." The tone almost made Eddie snap at him, but instead Eddie decided he was sick of waiting. Waiting for their timing to be right, waiting for them to be right. He wanted Buck today, and tomorrow and he had wanted him since the first day and the day after even if he didn't realize it.

He leaned forward and planted his lips on Bucks. There was a gasp. Then Buck cupped his cheeks and pulled him closer, lips kissing him, really kissing him. And god, he realized he wasn't really alive because this, kissing Evan Buckley, made him feel every burst of emotion at once. 

And then-

Buck pulled away, catching his breath. Too soon, Eddie thought as he already missed the contact. Buck widened his eyes.

"Wait-"

Eddie kept his grip on his shirt, his body still buzzing with adrenaline. He leaned forward again, but Buck stepped back. He could see Buck thinking, like a film reel playing in fast motion trying to make sense of what was happening. 

"I'm drunk. And you- you were on a date. And we haven't talked and-"

Eddie rolled his eyes, but he loosed his grip on the other man's shirt. It was hard, because every part of him was begging him for another kiss, to be close to him and not let go. It was hard, because his heart ached to be away.

"Come on Buck, you said we were inevitable."

Buck paused then, looking directly at him. 

"Yeah but not like this. I can’t-"

"God Buck could you just stop thinking for a second,"

At that Buck pushed him away, and Eddie felt his heart fall. God, why couldn't he just say the right things?

"No. I can't have my heart broken again. You can't just pull another Abby." His tone was bitter, like he had just caught Eddie red handed, seen past his tricks.

"That's not-"

That's not what he was trying to do. Did Buck think he was just using him? Eddie didn’t have the chance to explain himself.

Buck left then. Calling Maddie on his phone asking her to pick him up. He appeared in front of him again, but his eyes weren't meeting his. He looked like he had been burned. Worse, Eddie thought. He muttered something about getting him an uber. And to make sure he remembered they had a shift the next day. Then he left. 

No kiss. No hug. Not even a proper goodbye. He left Eddie standing in the dark corner, the ghost of his lips haunting him. Evan Buckley left him, and once again, took everything that made him feel alive with him. Eddie felt cold.


	2. get it right

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I’m in love with him, and if we are going to do this, I want to do it right you know?”
> 
> This is when they get it right.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so i wrote this because I am currently procrastinating on my final.... anyway hope you like it!

Maddie remained silent as she watched from the corner of her eye how Buck was just slumped in his seat, looking out the window. He hadn’t said a word since she picked him up from the bar. Only muttered a thank you and buckled his seatbelt. She gets it, sometimes you have a rough night. But the way he sounded on the phone when he asked her to come pick him up reminded her of when they were little, when her little brother needed help. She was curious what had hurt him so.

“So it's not that I don’t like getting to save you from whatever happened there, but what exactly did I come rescue you from?”

Buck only looked at her, then slumped further in his seat.

“Evan, you are acting like a child.” She flashed him a sly smile and at that, Buck gasped, and Maddie laughed. That seemed to cheer him just a fraction, making him sit straight on his seat. 

“Okay so, do you want me to beat their ass or talk some sense into you?” 

“I think beating their ass is a little too far.” Maddie rolled her eyes. So she was going to work as a common sense filter, that she could do.

“So,” Maddie was driving slow, the streets were dark but she also knew that Buck needed to talk and somehow being in this car made him unable to make up excuses. 

“It’s Eddie.”

She widened her eyes, a smile tugging at her lips.

“This is going to sound stupid, but you have to just go along okay?” Maddie nodded, and she could watch Buck try to gather his words, or courage.

“So there’s been this vibe, like we keep flirting and getting close but not too close”

And okay, Maddie was really trying to be patient but vibe? Really? Still, she kept quiet and listened. 

“And I don’t know, I feel like, it’s been more obvious lately. And I keep thinking something is going to happen, between us. I think he likes me back, but then-”

“Then?”

“He goes out with this girl.”

“Oh.”

“And I know, I know I can’t be upset because we weren’t together and just having a vibe isn’t enough but- I don’t know, is it stupid to feel like I was just pushed aside?” Maddie shook her head.

“It’s completely normal, I mean, even without all the vibes, he’s still your friend and he is still giving time to someone who isn’t you. I would be worried if you weren’t jealous.” Buck chuckled.

“Right, so I know he doesn’t owe me an explanation and maybe we were just flirting and that’s all he wanted. But then-” He rubs his eyes, and it only makes Maddie wonder how exactly it could get worse.

“Then he shows up and he kisses me.”

“At the bar?”

“And its a good kiss.”

“Did you kiss him back?”

“Of course I did! Its Eddie,” he replies like it would be crazy not to.

“Okay, so I don’t think I’m following because isn’t that a good thing?” Maddie parks the car, now in front of her house. She keeps the lights on, unclicks her seatbelt and turns towards her brother.

“It would be. Except he was on a date. So what does that mean, you know? I highly doubt he had a realization he was in love with me and came to find me.”

“You don’t know that,” Maddie offered, but by the look Buck was giving her she knew it sounded weak.

“So I told him we had to talk and not just- jump into this,” he turned to Maddie, “I’m in love with him, and if we are going to do this, I want to do it right you know?”

“Not just a drunk kiss in the dark?” Buck nodded, letting out a sigh. Maddie placed a hand on his back, softly rubbing back and forth like she used to when they were children. She tried to come up with words, tell him that he and Eddie could figure it out. That Eddie probably had to figure his own shit out. But one look at Buck, and she knew that he had already thought of every single way to unwrap this scenario. So instead, she just sat there, a hand on his shoulder bringing him comfort.

Suddenly, Buck straightened up and took out his phone.

“Shit, I didn’t tell Chim and Hen where I went!” Maddie laughed.

“Buck, I already told Chim. You are good.” Buck let out a sigh of relief. He looked at Maddie and smiled.

“Thanks Maddie.”

“Always.”

-

It wasn’t often that he stayed over at Maddie’s apartment, mostly because Chimney was there and as much as he loved his sister, he also didn’t want to be a third wheel. But this time Maddie told Chimney that Buck was here, and almost like he understood the problem, Chimney gave them space. 

Buck changed into the sweatpants he kept in her apartment. Maddie was making coffee for him, and Buck offered to help her wash the dishes and put them away in return.

His phone rang, startling them both. He fished it out of his pocket and felt his breath catch. He glanced up at Maddie, showing her the screen.

“It's him.”

“Eddie?” He nodded.

“Oh my god, you have to answer.”

“But-”

Before he could protest, Maddie grabbed his phone and answered.

“Hi Eddie, this is Maddie-” she sent a mischievous look towards Buck, who kept trying to grab the phone out of her hands.

“Anyway, here’s Buck.” She gave him the phone, mouthing ‘talk to him’. Buck only glared at her as he took the phone and cleared his throat. He knew Maddie would eavesdrop, so he walked away and closed the door to one of her rooms. He heard shuffling outside the door, and he knew Maddie was still there. He smiled, then focused back on the call.

“Hey.” Eddie’s voice knocked the breath out of him. 

“Hey.”

“I got home.” Buck smiled, fingers tightening around the phone, trying to be closer.

“I’m glad. I’m with Maddie.” He heard Eddie chuckle on the other end of the line. It felt warm, like he was back with them, in the Diaz house and they had just tucked Christopher back in bed.

“I heard.”

There was a beat of silence, like neither of them knew what exactly needed to be said.

“We should talk,” Eddie said after a bit, his voice sounded nervous, almost sad and resigned. Buck tried to avoid thinking about what it meant, tried to keep it from making his heart ache the way rejection is good at. 

“Yeah, okay.” 

“I’ll see you at work?” And Buck knew what that meant. Eddie never really talked about his feelings, Buck knew that. But Eddie had his way of checking on his relationships, making sure they were there, unfazed. Making sure Buck was still there.

“Of course.” He could hear Eddie exhale. They were okay, whatever happened tonight they could work through. 

“Goodnight Evan.”

“Good night.”

He blinked as his phone turned back to the caller screen, seeing Eddie’s contact picture fade to black. 

-

Buck tensed for a second when he entered the station, seeing how Eddie was making casual conversation with Chim. Eddie turned then, eyes meeting his. He sent him a nod, and Buck felt himself wave in his direction. It was - odd. There was nothing wrong with them, but at the same time, they weren’t on the same page.

Hen and Chim didn’t notice. Or well, Buck knew that Chimney knew. The man threw glances at him, silently asking if he was okay. Buck thought that maybe Chimney also looked confused, because according to Maddie’s call, something was up, but Buck and Eddie were acting like always. Nothing unusual there. Still, Buck appreciated Chim’s silent support.

Between calls, Eddie would look at Buck, sometimes sending him a smile. In return, Buck would bump his shoulder against his. It was normal, and while it felt good, to have a relationship that wasn’t going to fall apart from last night’s event. It also, somehow, felt like a step back. 

-

At the end of the shift, Buck waited at the locker room, hoping for Eddie to show up. He didn’t, taking too long in the shower, and Buck figured that maybe they weren’t going to talk today. That’s fine. They could talk tomorrow, or maybe, this was their new normal. A kiss in the dark is all that it is. Buck could try his best to forget it.

He stood up, threw his bag over his shoulder and walked towards his car. By now, Hen and Chimney were already out. Bobby was upstairs, finishing paperwork. He stepped inside his car and took out his phone.

-hey did you want to talk?

He didn’t press send. 

-hey we should-

Before he could finish typing there was a knock on the window. He turned, startled, only to find Eddie there. Wet hair, a smile on his face. He came around to the other side, stepping inside the car. 

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to take too long but then Carla called me about a doctor appointment, so I had to reschedule and talk to Bobby about changing shifts,” he stopped his explanation once he saw Buck staring at him. He cleared his throat, avoiding his eyes.

“I’m sorry. I get it if you don’t want to talk-” he turned around, about to open the car door again.

Buck shook his head, quick to reassure him otherwise. He really didn’t want to wait any longer.

“No, sorry you just caught me off guard.” Eddie let out a breath and nodded.

“So last night,” Buck began.

“Buck, I’m sorry,” Eddie paused, shifted in his seat and then took a deep breath, “I’m not sorry about kissing you. Because I’ve been wanting to do that for a while. But I’m sorry because I didn’t mean it to happen that way. It wasn’t supposed to start like that.” Buck only stared, and Eddie offered him a small smile, rubbing the back of his neck,” And I get it, if you don’t feel the same way or if you changed your mind, but I’m sorry I hurt you.” 

Buck nodded.

“What happened? You weren’t there and then you showed up out of nowhere and kissed me.” Eddie looked away then, almost ashamed, hands playing with each. But the pink in his cheeks gives him away, and the shy gesture makes Buck smile.

“I was on a date. And then I realized that she was not who I wanted to be with.” 

“Very cliché,” Buck teases. Eddie only rolled his eyes. 

“So,” Eddie continues, when Buck doesn’t answer Eddie lets out a small groan and covers his face. 

“You are making this really hard Evan.” At that Buck laughs, the man looks frustrated with him, but in the warm way Eddie always does. Like when he buys too much candy for Christopher, or when he spends a little extra on gas to go to their favorite coffee place.

“How exactly am I doing that?”

“Because all I want to do is kiss you but I don't know if that’s what you want, and I really don’t want to get this wrong.”

Another time Buck would tease him because that’s probably the most he has ever heard Eddie talk about his feelings. And it was nice, and brave because Eddie was trying, for him. 

Buck smiled instead, inching closer to him, and grabbing Eddie’s hands, making the man turn to look at him. His eyes looked hopeful then.

“I want you too.”

He kissed him then, lips soft against each other. He could feel Eddie’s hand gripping his shirt, anchoring him. It felt right, like the moment Buck was waiting for all along.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> stay safe and comment if you'd like ^^

**Author's Note:**

> hoped you liked it. leave a comment, they make my day :D


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